i made a deal with claire that if she wrote a xanga entry, so would i.

so here i go..

current situation: exhausted. i got four hours of sleep last nite because i worked til i finished my thesis and i have an early flight this morning. im waiting in sky harbor right now to board.

i'm disappointed i'm not staying in phoenix longer. ive become an extreme homebody. the thought of summer and just being home all the time sounds like heaven.
the thought of college? yick. the closer i get to tac, the more i don't want to go there. i'm worried i'll be utterly disappointed by everything and everyone i know going to different schools will have the times of their lives. while i'm stuck at tac with a skirt to my ankles and reading fabre. come on!

yeah if you look at my previous entry, you will laugh. i personally don't wish to look at it. it's very mushy and optimistic.

i'm hitting the 3rd quarter slump all right. i don't think seniors should have a second semester. once they are accepted to college, there's no point to make school intense. i don't want to be accountable. i wouldn't mind showing up, learning and then going home. homework is def not necessary. any teacher who gives you a lousy grade is just a jerk. do they want your college to write you a letter telling you they changed their mind because you didn't do too well on 4 homework assignments??? no one cares.

erg. and this is only the beginning of my terrible accountable future. dear lord...

i was inspired to write an entry today.

well. i was inspired yesterday officially, but right now it is 12:04am to it's tomorrow? complicated? just a smidge. but you know what i mean.

summer has set me in this schedule where no matter when i go to sleep, my body likes to get out of bed from between 12-1pm. i can't quite blame it.  but then my day seems to be reduced to four hours, which vanish rather quickly. during the day, i'm either entirely busy or laying around restless, wondering why i'm not doing something. of course, i have at least 3 books i said i would read and 2 journals i planned to write in, but i haven't been interested in doing either. unless it's 2am in the morning and my eyes are so heavy that it's pointless to even try.

camp was a disapointment. usually, i'm high as a kite (on life) the whole time and cry on my way home because i'm so sad it's over. but after 2-3 days, i was dying to get home. the food was kind of nasty and the beds were their usual hard, but i ended up not getting seven hours of sleep a night the entire week.  one night i had 2.5 hours of sleep. you think i'm kidding. now, imagine facing an entire full day where there is no free time and you have to smile, kneel alot, and be energetic the whole time. yeah.... doesn't that sound horrible? i actually almost fell asleep 3 times while sitting, which has never happened to me.
something was just off. as team leaders, my friends and i were given loads of stuff to do which we accomplished but then were told to not hang out as team leaders anymore but in our teams. so i ripped myself from my friends and tried to be obediant. it was miserable. i had one of the saddest lunches of my life. i sat, surrounded by silent girls, watching my other friends laugh and have fun while i wished i could be miles away in my own bed back in phoenix. so after some tears and frustration, i gave up on being obedient. i hung out with my friends, still worked alot, but didn't feel motivated to be a perfect role model.
i loved having daily mass and rosary and regular prayers, but i never felt so isolated from God. usually, i feel closest to God at camp.  i let stress get between God and myself so spiritually, camp didn't help me.
socially, i made some absolutely awesome friends who i can't wait to plan trips with, go out dancing with or just talk to. i was pretty blessed in that area.

even though camp was a flop, i'm glad i went.

i'm supposed to meet alex and claire today in like 9 hours. so i better get to bed.

God Bless,
~Louisa